What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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