well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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