I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
