garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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