He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
