Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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