I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
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oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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