corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
