you would pick up someone in the library
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
