She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
