allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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