I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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