Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
