Whod you bang
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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