I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
