She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
