I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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