would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
