Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
