Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
