At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
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My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
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the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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