You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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