wanna go halves on a baby?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
