a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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