this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
