i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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