I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
