Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
