Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
