I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
