yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
