Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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