Jerry, you need to find god
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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