You made me cry and you don't even care
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm having to shit out rocks
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
