My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
