Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
