I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
