I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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