she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
