we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
