the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize