just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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