Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
