woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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