theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
