Your face is a jimmy john
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
