I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A bitchslap is in order.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
