see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
