Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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