I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
