so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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