were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize