Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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