i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
