I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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