How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
