I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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