Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
