i think i have herpe
just one?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
