the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
