a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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