I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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