I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
