Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
