He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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