I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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