their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
