I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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