in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
