i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
