Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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