If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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