I just threw up on my dentist
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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