I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
