Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
