I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
