omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Can I color on your dick again?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The uberlube is also flammable
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
